Yesterday struck me hard. I went to see a person I hadn't seen for a long time. I knew he was in a bad condition, worse than he's ever been, and getting worse yet. But seeing it was a whole different matter. I was shocked. And terrified. Life has always scared me, but now I've realized that no matter what you do, no matter how hard you work, life can turn around and bite you, leaving you unmoving on the bed. The whole Karma concept is crap. What good it is for you in your next life, when you don't remember a thing about the past one? What does it matter if you've been good in this life, but it turns out you've been bad in the previous and you have to pay for it now?
I cried a lot last night and had terrible nightmares, tossing around in my bed. The image of his face keeps appearing in my mind. It is painful to see somebody going slowly towards his death. And everybody around seems so helpless. There is nothing you can do. At least he was still smiling, showing some interest in what is going on around, asking. Of course, we cannot know if he truly understands what we say to him and if he recognizes the people he used to know. But I would like to believe that inside his weakened and slightly distorted body, the mind is still bright and working, although it is hard to believe. And even having new shoes, which always makes anyone feel better, don't work this time. Gushing over shiny new things while someone else is suffering only makes me feel like a greedy snotty little brat.
Exactly one year ago I made my first post here. Wow, I didn't even notice how fast the time went by. I remember that I tried to write in the beginning but right now my posts consist mainly of photos only. I wish I could return to writing and describing events and books and music and movies and stuff. And also taking my own photos, but since my camera suffered a nasty little damage I am being very reluctant to taking it out in the cold. It is getting warmer though and the spring is coming (or so I hope), so I might just return to doing things I like. Although this semester in unversity has all the chances of being particularly nasty I really hope I have time to return to reading, writing, taking photos, painting, sewing and making things by myself.
These amazing retro-feel necklaces are made by White Owl on etsy. Honestly, regarding that price I could even try and master something like this myself. P.S. Don't miss the awesome scissors in the first picture!
I'm in love with this entire collection. Everything here is perfect - neutrals, greys, suits and jackets and the golden shoes. This is the look I want for the next fall. Especially that last outfit on Abbey Lee. Mmm ... So laidback yet put together and sophisticated. Reminds me a bit of last-century London.
All I can do right now is try and master my breathing, because what I've just discovered is more than amazing. It is like heaven. I'm a little obsessed with all things French. I just thought randomly about how I would like to have some old French books (which I would not be able to read, of course, but that only makes it better). I went googling and came across a wonderful little blog Frenchblue, which had a post about old French books! And it linked to a paradise upon earth (Appley Hoare Antiques) where I can now please my eyes with some super-old, super-expensive French books. What is even better - they even have some old music notes!
I saw this the other day. I don't care what some people say, I'm with those who think this is amazing. Because it just is. The amount of work and exploration put in this alone is something one can't quite grasp. The sceneries, the Na'vi, the flora and fauna are simply breathtaking. I'm just wondering how far the science will be able to go someday, because I sure wouldn't mind having a blue-skinned, tailed creature as my avatar, so I could run off into the wondrous rain forests of the magnificent Pandora.
If there is still someone who in some kind of inexplicable way has not seen this then go and do it now!
Boy, it's been so long since I've posted... I've just been overwhelmed with my life, surprisingly, because that doesn't happen a lot to me. I've been busy studying, adoring, being ill, hating, having fun, discovering and exploring.
Right now I'm back at school (or university, if we want to call things in their appropriate names), dreading from the very first day the amount of reading I am supposed to do. I am on terrible, terrible pills, which have even more terrible side-effects and I feel like I'm falling ill every day all over again. But I hope I'll be fine soon.
I have discovered a way in people that I don't like. A way to which I did not attach such a great importance before, but I am sure there are no people who would like it. I am learning to care less about things that happen around me and with me and just try and f**cking live. I am also learning to be a bigger bitch and an egoist. I'm not sure I should be further educated in that department, but, meh. If people around me can treat me any way they come up with, I suppose I can afford being a nastier bitch yet.
I have finally managed to get further than page 5 on George Orwell's 1984 and I can say that it is a highly interesting and even amusing book. I have a friend who's over-the-moon about it and I am now beginning to understand why.
"The ideal set up by the Party was something huge, terrible and glittering - a world of steel and concrete of monstrous machines and terrifying weapons - a nation of warriors and fanatics, marching forward in perfect unity, all thinking the same thoughts and shouting the same slogans, perpetually working, fighting, triumphing, persecuting - three hundred million people all with the same face."
I think this is it for now. I hope I will be able to return to my normal posting mode soon, overcoming my laziness, lack of inspiration and other annoying stuff like that.
Oh, yes. One more thing. Don't sleep with anyone until you've made sure they really deserve it. I'm glad I didn't.