Banana and Chocolate Muffins

I had the most lovely Saturday-morning breakfast today. A big jug of sweet cocoa and a big plate with warm little muffins. They did not come out perfect of course, as usually when I cook desserts, but they were delicious all the same. I went outside on my balcony and enjoyed my breakfast in absolute silence. That was an unseen pleasure, but I suppose the hour was early enough for my noisy neighbours to be still asleep. Ah, I wish such things happened more frequently. But in this hectic and busy time it has become almost a surplus luxury.

Inspiration Day

The stacks of pink bras basking in the sun.

The rows of delicious pears.

The eternity of picture-perfect tulips.

Dirty Diana

I've been obsessed with this lately. I listen to it all the time. It is such a great song. Might even be my favorite. Love it.

...

Hurray for me! I went to see my doctor today and she told me that I have nasal cavity inflammation. Whatever that means ... She said that this might explain my headaches. Might. What a lovely word when it comes to medicine. As an addition I also have a terrible cold. My head hurts, so do my eyes, my nose is running all the time and I feel it might just peel off, because of the amount of times the handkerchiefs have rubbed against it. Think Michael Jackson.

This means that I will fall well behind in my studies, while I am supposed to sit at home. This also means no shopping for me on Friday. Dammit. And I so wanted to go and splurge some money on hot shoes. Instead I splurged my money on those infernal antibiotics. Well, I hope they at least help, without blessing me with something from the extensive list of the side-effects.

And while I'm drowning in the sea of handkerchiefs, I can allow myself to indulge in dreams about jumping around barefoot in flowers, wearing sheer summer dresses, that will never look good enough on my skinny frame. Or I could just find an effective way how to boost and tone myself into a sexy-tanned-fitness-bunny. Right. I would sooner get a boob job than suffer in gym till the end of my life. Working out has never been something I enjoy. I would do it for several days and then drop it. Ah, laziness is my biggest problem. But then again, I was born on Saturday. There. That's my excuse.

Shoes from the Dream of a Dream

I remember when I was little I had natural white shoes with a hard black sole, a little bit pointed toes and stiff laces that always came loose. I used to dislike them quite a lot. I thought they were not modern and lady-like enough. They were a little tatty and outworn. I always felt clumsy in them. And the sound they were making with each step only drew more attention to them.

Oh, what did I know about fashion at those times anyway? Nothing much. But my mom apparently did, because when I look back at the photographs I have to say: "Oh, what a cool kid I used to be." And those shoes! They're in almost every picture of the documentation of my 8-year-old life. Because, you see, those were the times when having one pair of shoes was more than enough. One was lucky if she had any at all.

I think my favorite picture where The shoes can be seen, is one of me sitting on a chair, legs too short to reach the floor yet, holding a glass of juice that looks enormous in my fingers. The shoes are geniusly matched with black tights, black skirt and a black blouse with white polka dots. A great accent for a simple outfit. Merlin knows where are those shoes now. Of course it would not be much use of me having them as they would be too small for me now, but I would cherish them if I did.

Now I am obssessed with the idea of getting something at least remotely like those shoes. I've been searching but they are not really a common thing at shops. What are they called anyway? It is almost like a women version of men's shoes, but not really. Are they the so-called jazz shoes? I don't think so.

I have found some that might fit my ambitions, but this type of shoes is from the expensive end. Now that there are sales though, I might actually grit my teeth and spend the money on them. If I hesitate I will be late for the right size and then I will rant at myself. I should at least try them on, I know, and see how they look. I think I like the black ones the most. I love the woven detail on them and they remind me of my childhood shoes the most even though they are a far cry.

Easter Adventures

For Easter I travelled across half the country to get as far from the civilization as I could. Two wonderful days I spent by the sea, by the foreland or rather what's left of it. I've been visiting that place two times a year for all my life and I've seen the destruction that has taken place. I personally think that the map of the country, the coastline should have been changed eight years ago. No one seems to bother but the spike just isn't there anymore. The sea is gnawing in slowly but persistently, uprooting the pinetrees and laying them across the narrow beach. The Global Warming is doing its job.

I chose one of the tree-secluded spots on the beach, plucked up all the courage I got and opened the swimming season. It must have been quite a sight for tourists, who were standing on the dene, craning their necks and shaking their heads in disbelief, to see me, dashing and flunging myself in the cold water naked. Not to mention my shriek of shock/joy/excitement. Thankfully the sun was warming generously, so I did not freeze.

Weather, during those two days, was the most wonderful thing. The sky was a stunning blue eternity over my head, slashed with the whites of airplanes (I must say, I have never seen so many in one day before) who were all going across the sea. The sun was warm and pleasing and the feeling, standing on a wide, completely deserted beach was indescribable. This was, of course, on the other side of the foreland, where the "big" sea is.

All in all I had the most enjoyable two days. Lots of visual and sonic canvas. I can't even desribe everything. You have to hear three swans flying past you, their wings whizzing. You have to see them landing in the sea to join the forth one. You have to hear an enormous amount of frogs in the ponds, which sound as a dim, gentle tractor. You have to feel the soft, sun-kissed fur of a hyper-active and love-seeking cat in a graveyard. You have to feel the breeze of freedom and wind in your face and hair. Nobody is ever going to give it to you. You have to enjoy it all by yourself.

Chinese Philosophy

I have a huge homework in The History of Chinese. I have to read about 70 pages about Chinese Philosophy. It's about Confucius, Mo Zi, Mencius, The Great Learning, The Doctrine of Mean and so on an so forth. I am now somewhere in the middle. And again I must admit how intrigued I am about all this. Chinese philosophy is actually quite simple, but that's why it is so genius.

One of my favorite things is the Doctrine of Mean (Zhongyong), which has been transmitted for centuries as one of the chapters in a compendium known as the Book of Rites (Liji). It is also one of the four most important books in the Confucian corpus. It is a substantial work and includes a classical discussion of the concept of [my so-loved-word] "perfection" (cheng). The Doctrine of Mean teaches that we must "perfect" ourselves by fulfilling our potential as moral paragons.

Some of my favorites from the Doctrine of Mean:

-There is nothing more apparent than what is hidden. There is nothing more manifest than what is subtle.

-Equilibrium is the great foundation of the world.

-Knowledge, humanity and courage - these three are the far-reaching virtues in the world.

-Only the most perfect people in the world are able to fulfill their xing ("human nature").

-A person of utmost perfection is like a spirit.

-"Perfection" is self-completion.

-Perfection is the beginning and the end of things. Without perfection, there are no things.

-One who is perfect does not simply complete himself; he uses his perfection to complete other things. Completing the self is humanity; completing other things is knowledge.

Mo Zi, whose school of Mohism was the first intellectual response to Confucianism, developed his doctrine of "Universal Love" which believed that "Disorder arises from a lack of mutual love". "The Will of Heaven" says: "Who is it who kills innocent people? It is mankind."

The following is an exerpt from the Zhuang Zi text, "Inner Chapters" - Essentials for Nurturing Life. I really enjoyed this one.

Sir Motely of Southunc made an excursion to the Hillock of Shang. There he saw an unusual tree so big that a thousand four-horse chariots could be shaded by its leaves.

"Goodness! What tree is this?" asked Sir Motley. "It must have unusual timber." Looking upward at the smaller branches, however, he saw that they were all twisted and unfit to be beams. Looking downward at the massive trunk, he saw that it was so gnarled as to be unfit for making coffins. If you lick one of its leaves, your mouth will develop unlcerous sores. If you smell its foliage, you fall into a drunken delirium that last for three days.

"This tree is truly worthless," said Sir Motley, "and that is why it has grown so large. Ah! the spiritual man is also worthless like this." ...

Well, although such homework can be exhausting and frustrating, at those moments I realize that I like what I do. Of course I still have no idea what I'm going to do after I graduate, but for now I am satisfied. Who knows, maybe tomorrow I'll have one of my hysterics again and I won't like anything. If I do, I know what the cure is - read the Chinese philosophy and most importantly - start living up to it.

It seems amazing that so much that we live up today comes from the 6th to 2nd century B.C.E. China. Like, the Golden Rule of Confucius, that my mom used to recite daily to me when I was a little girl: "What you yourself not desire, do not do to others." Living a righteous and virtuous life could be so easy, if only we'd want to do that. But as the Master has said: "I have never seen anyone who loves virtue as much as sex."

Twilight in the Sun

I woke up today to be utterly surprised by a perfectly clear blue sky and a dazzling sun. Of course I had expected a good weather, but this was just too much. Almost like summer. It was not very warm though, because of the wind, but it was warm enough for me to sit on the balcony all day and do nothing but read Twilight.

I know, I swore that I would not read it, but it is actually quite interesting and engaging, for sure. Though I do feel that innocent and a bit banal feeling all throughout the book. There is just something that I feel is missing. I can't quite put my finger on it. And, YES, Harry Potter is by far a better series of books. It is just that the way Rowling writes is on a much higher level than Meyer's writing. That fantastic beauty of literary writing is heavily missed in Twilight. It is simply a sequence of events, that I feel is moving a teensy bit too fast. There are very little memorable quotes, while the Harry Potter books are just swarming with them.

Anyway, I think I'll be finished with the book in maximum two days' time and then I'll just have to watch the movie. Robert Pattinson is, of course, always worth to look at. I haven't read any reviews about his performance in the movie, however. *Makes a mental note to do it.*

Cotton Candy Cravings

I did a little spring cleaning today and it made me think about all the nice things I'd like to have for my home. I'd love to choose pretty upholstery, bedclothes, towels, dishes and even tiles and carpets. But the crisis keeps me from going and splurging on furnishing my home. So, I did what I could. I changed my upholstery and now it is a white lace-like thing, which lets the sun in nicely. My palms got a new home in matched yellow flowerpots. And my bed is about to have a new bedspread too.

The spring has got me obsessed with light pastel colors. Marshmallow white, cotton candy pink, peppermint green and of course lilac. I have brought out all things pastel and cute and put them to good use. I wonder, will this get me to wear color too? Yes, I do think about silk peppermint color shorts and pink silk radzimir top with a bow and/or puffed sleeves. But can I grit my teeth and actually wear it? I'm not the color-wearing type. I stick to black and grey, with a splash of deep purple or Slytherin green occasionally, but whenever I wear color I don't feel too comfortable. I guess I'll have to wait and see, but for now I'll just stick to my usual outfit of black skinny jeans and black wool jacket (it's not that warm yet, you know).

Indonesia Day

I attended an Indonesia Day today, which was organized by my University and the Embassy of Indonesia. I did not want to go, because there was rumor that we would have to sit there for six hours and listen to useless information about the Indonesia's transition to Democracy.

That was not true, however, and I had a rather good time. The first part included two lectures about Indonesia's history and political system (yawn). Here's what I found out. Indonesia is located between Eurasia and Australia and consists of about 17,000 islands that vary in size greatly. It is a very diverse country and is a part of both Pacific Ring of Fire and the World's tropical rain forests' belt. Ashes from the volcanoes provide the most fertile soil on planet. Java is the central island, the hub of Indonesia, but it is certainly not the biggest. The people of Indonesia are of the Malayan anthropological type. Indonesia exports quinine, pepper, rubber, coconut products, coffee, oil etc. Indonesia proclaimed independence from Ducth in 1945. The Big Joke was about the fact that Indonesia has four seasons: dry, rainy, fruit and election. (Some facts may not be very precise.)

The second was the fun part, where we got to enjoy Indonesian food and a dance number by a very lovely man. The food was good and my fear of something very nasty and spicy did not come true, except for a rather dreadful roasted mix of nuts and fish-heads. The dance number consisted of two dances. Both were mask dances, which means that the dancer wears a mask, naturally. The first one was a Japanese dance and the second was Java dance of love. Both were very original, which means that they were a little weird but interesting to watch. The outfits were worth something per se. I tried to take some pictures, but they did not come out very good, as he kept moving/dancing.